Friday, December 2, 2011


So many things have happened since the last time I blogged.  After all, it is now December and the last post was written early September.  Of the many occurrences in the past few months, one included a trip to New York for me. It was a fantastic experience and fully deserves an entire post of its own, but later. For this post I intend on addressing my past post.  A dear friend that I've known since I was a young child had commented on that post.  I'm grateful for all of the kind words of support and love that was extended to me in all of the comments (Thank you!), but what she had said in particular struck home--and with profound depth. She said, "I think by writing this post you have just given yourself the freedom you need in those areas of your life to truly be you ~ on your terms." I actually felt the freedom she referred to and because of her gracious wisdom I felt empowered to do as she encouraged. 

Since then, I had decided to read the book, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I have yet to finish it because school intensified while in the process of reading it, so I've consequently had to put it on the back burner (along with a huge stack of novels) to be read this coming Christmas break. However just the short amount I was able to read was so incredibly enlightening! I'm particularly impressed with the book because Lewis uses all logic to describe the need and intent of Christianity: with no scriptures and with no specific religious outlook he compellingly explains the deduction of Christianity. It's an incredible book, whether you are Christian or not, C.S. Lewis is brilliant and its practically entertaining to read his words of intellect.

Anyway, at the end of the first "book" Lewis refers to the beginning of a Christian belief, "it does not begin in comfort; it begins in dismay and it is no use at all trying to go on to that comfort without first going through that dismay. In religion, as in war and everything else, comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth--only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair." Not until just recently did I realize how intensely relative these words were to me, not in the embarking of a Christian belief (I already have that), but rather the commencement of self-discovery, self-healing and acceptance.

So my last post, unknowingly, was actually the beginning of the dismay I'm currently trying to process through and will be for months and in all honesty, periodically for the rest of my life. The experiences, blessings and heartache I've had the past few months are too acute and extensive to share. But it will suffice me to say that they will probably be some of the greatest pivots and influential choices in my life. Thus I don't know for surety what the future holds for me other than change and the dismay that Lewis refers to; all of which I hope will lead me to the truth, comfort and desires of my heart that I seek.

Some videos that I've seen recently that have been essential to my commencement of self-discovery, acceptance and healing are videos that I think everyone should watch and can benefit from. The first two are from Dr. Brené Brown: video 1 and video 2 (so incredibly insightful) and the second two are from John Bradshaw part 1 and part 2 (older, longer but still great).  You won't regret taking the time to watch these videos.  The first two are a must, and the second two are great but not necessarily a "must"...however it was all four that began the enlightening of my "dismay" and everything else current in my life.  

"Progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man. Going back is the quickest way on." -C.S. Lewis 'Mere Christianity" So here's to going back, to face my past and all that entails, to have faith and strength to truly be me ~ and on my own terms.

(both photos are mine--they're from my new, past few months, found hobby: iphonography :)